Gusto lang sana kita kamustahin, lammo yun. Tas pagkatapos mo maglabas ng hinanakit mo sa pangit mong ex, tingin mo sapat na yang "good night" mo? Hello! Apektado rin ako noh, magkasing-galit lang tayo sa pangit mong ex kasi unang-una, bitch siya. Ikaw na nagsabe. Pangalawa, ang pangit pangit pangit niya talaga at hindi ako bitter sa lagay na to ha. Di ka naman pangit e, sa totoo lang ang pogi mo talaga...bat hindi knockout beauty ang mga nililigawan mo? Yung mas maganda naman sana saken! Ang pangit na nga niya, ang pangit pa ng ugali niya. Sobrang will power na ang hindi ko paglagay ng pangit niya na mukha dito kasi shempre, respeto narin sayo pero namaaaaaan. Ang taste, utang na loob!!!!

At sa susunod, sana hindi ka ganyan ka-dense para isipin na hindi ako maapektuhan ng mga sinasabi mong ganyang problema kasi shempre, tulad nung time na tinawagan mo ko agad-agad kasi nappraning ako, ganon din ako sayo. Ang bobo mo naman kung di mo alam yun. Tinunaw na talaga ng bawal na gamot utak mo. Kakabwiset ka!!!! Pag punta ko jan umayos ka ha.

Shout out to the past part trois

Listening to Kanye West's Graduation this gray Sunday afternoon.

Flashback to the year of our lord 2005. Second year college and nowhere near sober. I can't remember much but the little that I do remember involved gin, juice, a man, pulutan, pot sessions and a lot of missed classes. I'm not a stickler for dates for about 4 months in that year, a whirlwind happened and I am still recovering.

Fast-forward to this year of our lord 2008. I haven't seen him for 2 or 3 years and I still miss him. So strange that I only have one picture of him.

The usual Green Place suspects.

I'm tired of fighting. It's better to go back to silence and to that "you-never-existed" stage. Makes living a little bit more bearable.

I'm a fool that thinks too much.

I saw old friends the other day, people I haven't seen or heard from for 5 or so years. We spoke til morning, til evening again. Reminiscing about youth and the good ol' days when our only worry was the kind of high we wanted that day. I miss those days. Everybody's gone and whoever's left is walking a quasi-straight line.

Made me wonder what went wrong then. Why was there never a gray area, only extremes? Extreme pleasure, extreme pain. In sickness and in health, for better or for worse, in riches and in poverty. Through bad music and through heaven. Maybe I was too immature, maybe it was too soon, maybe everybody was just a little bit too crazy and idealistic. And why do they remember events more than I do? I was also there!

People don't change, they just become more complicated. Or life becomes more complicated. I miss those days, I wish I were still young, stupid and unassuming. Everything was worth trying once, some things are worth trying thrice or a hundred more times. I miss those days when everything was an eye-opener. Ignorance was bliss. With your eyes wide open and when wear and tear starts to be felt in your gut and your bones, you wonder where your youth went and if it will ever come back. Back when you were childless, carefree, perpetually drunk and when miracles happened everyday.

Bring it back! I will bring it back.

Don't spoil me too much. I will only end up hurting you.

I'm sorry.

Like a dagger. I needed that. Thank you. Asshole.

I know now what I didn't know before. I made too much of a fuss over you. Your silence right now says it all.

You were just a big fuss.

I'll let you in on a little secret.

I've spent the past weeks thinking about what I want and what I don't want in y life. In short, I had the strong resolve to burn bridges where fire was deemed necessary and to throw my suitcase to the ocean in a manner of speaking. I think knowing and doing are two different things, with varying degrees of difficulty. Knowing what to purge was hard. Purging is even harder. Nevertheless, we do what we must to make it through the day.

I found that I don't want to burn anything with you. I want you in my world. I want the idea of you to exist in my head and in my heart. Because your existence does give me hope. I'm sorry that I even tried.

oh baby boy...

are we bored yet?