Gusto lang sana kita kamustahin, lammo yun. Tas pagkatapos mo maglabas ng hinanakit mo sa pangit mong ex, tingin mo sapat na yang "good night" mo? Hello! Apektado rin ako noh, magkasing-galit lang tayo sa pangit mong ex kasi unang-una, bitch siya. Ikaw na nagsabe. Pangalawa, ang pangit pangit pangit niya talaga at hindi ako bitter sa lagay na to ha. Di ka naman pangit e, sa totoo lang ang pogi mo talaga...bat hindi knockout beauty ang mga nililigawan mo? Yung mas maganda naman sana saken! Ang pangit na nga niya, ang pangit pa ng ugali niya. Sobrang will power na ang hindi ko paglagay ng pangit niya na mukha dito kasi shempre, respeto narin sayo pero namaaaaaan. Ang taste, utang na loob!!!!

At sa susunod, sana hindi ka ganyan ka-dense para isipin na hindi ako maapektuhan ng mga sinasabi mong ganyang problema kasi shempre, tulad nung time na tinawagan mo ko agad-agad kasi nappraning ako, ganon din ako sayo. Ang bobo mo naman kung di mo alam yun. Tinunaw na talaga ng bawal na gamot utak mo. Kakabwiset ka!!!! Pag punta ko jan umayos ka ha.

Let me bitch for a second.

First of all, I DID NOT WISH FOR ALL OF THIS TO HAPPEN. It's not like I put a lump on purpose just to squeeze money out of anyone. Do not bitch to me how expensive the procedure is or my meds, I already know.

I do not have a job right now because I am waiting for a job that could last me for a couple of years. Not months, YEARS. I'm looking for a career, not a job. Get that? I don't want to be unhappy in a decade wondering where my youth went. I don't want to be bitching to my children how much of a burden it is to be working in an environment that makes me feel like shit every second just so they could have food to eat. Don't blame me for your choices because all of it was yours to begin with. I was a factor, sure but in the final analysis, YOU CHOSE TO BE WHERE YOU ARE, NOT ME. In the same way that I'm choosing where I want to be right now and tomorrow and the day after that.

Would it kill you to discuss financial matters with each other? I hate being the bearer of bad tidings and the bills that you have to pay. Are you not mature enough? Goddamn!

If it's gonna be the source of this much frustration then just stop. Tell me you have no money to spare right now for the things that needs to be done on me, to me, for me. Fuck! Don't tell that I ought to be with you or with you or wherever if you will bombard me with guilt every so often. Please.

It's not like I have much of a choice anyway. YOU will decide where I "should" be because apparently, I don't have sound decision-making capabilities right now. I haven't been for the past 6 months, right? Most of the bad decisions I've made in that span of time was mostly due to pressure that never bothered me before.

Not that I'm not grateful. Of course I am, but it's not the whole picture that I'm complaining about. It's about HOW MUCH OF A BURDEN YOU MAKE ME SEEM TO BE. I'm just as pissed off as you are. God!

Okay, I now have to admit that I am not happy.

I'm not.

Takes alot of humility to say that I can't deal with everything alone. I need him around to tell me that what I'm going through is juvenile and laughable. Because without him, the world is slowly caving in and I feel more and more suffocated with thoughts that are unhealthy and impractical.

I need you around and it kills me to admit it.