I wish I could be more honest. Honest to myself and to the "world".
But do I really care about what the "world" thinks of me? Or do I just feel that I owe the "world" that much?
Not really, I don't feel like I owe anybody anything. It's just that sometimes, I feel like I have pretended to be this kind of person for too long and I get stuck with it. I trapped myself into an image that I may have just played on a drunken whim. And I am trapped. I really am.
So sometimes I want to be honest. I want to show who I am really not, but then would I get more out of this outburst of truthfulness or will it be to my disadvantage?
At this point, where I'm not so young and not yet so old, the only truth I can produce is the fact that I DON'T KNOW WHO THE FUCK I AM, and it's not your usual identity crisis of whether I like boys or girls better. I guess for me, the bigger question is WHERE DO I WANT TO BE AND DO I WANT TO GO THERE ALONE?
There.
Monday, August 17
Monday, July 28
Monday, July 14
Busy Week
Last week was a blur. Hella hectic. I had to write a feature article early last week for a client. Thursday was spent in Manila for a job interview. It went well. Friday was spent in Recto spotting rare, branded goods that was 1/10 of the original price. After Recto we went to Kapitolyo for another sale of branded goods. Went home, took a bath then went to Trinoma for the shoe sale. My wallet was badly bruised at this point. I had to settle for donuts for supper. Saturday was Cinemalaya day in CCP. In Manila, again. I never felt this exhausted (it's Monday already and my feet still hurts). I went to college in Manila but I never felt this tired. It was good to have that much activities tho. I always feel restless and useless when I'm idle at home.
This is what we did in CCP. Of course we watched the shorts, but the highlight would be the camwhoring that followed. And because I was so tight with my money (and because the only ATM in the area wouldn't let me withdraw), I had to settle for a regular Coke for dinner.
This is what we did in CCP. Of course we watched the shorts, but the highlight would be the camwhoring that followed. And because I was so tight with my money (and because the only ATM in the area wouldn't let me withdraw), I had to settle for a regular Coke for dinner.
Tuesday, July 1
Tear It Apart
The Chandelirium is the newest large pendant lamp that is made one at a time from reclaimed acrylic and hand shaped in the oven by ARTae (Aaron R. Thomas and Anne Ewen) to create this self supporting structure of interwoven clear and white acrylic strips wrapped around a 7" globe in a polished nickel fixture. Each lamp is as unique as you are and is approximately 30" high and 20" wide. (SOURCE: freshmoco.com)Now, if I were high and bored, I'll probably tear it apart piece by piece then put it back together. I doubt if my "creation" would look as nice. There's something mystical and fairy-like with these pieces, as if Tinkerbell (the fairy, not the dog) would just flutter out of that lamp. I also like the softness of the light and its contrast with the weight of the structure.
Monday, June 30
Strange and Beautiful Bathrooms
I have dreams. Most of the time those dreams include a swanky pad with a loft in Prague or Tokyo or Vienna. On bad days, my dreams include a swanky pad with a loft in Rockwell. I haven't thought about what the living room, bedroom, library, kitchen, dining area, and gym (I want a whole floor to myself yo!) would look like. But my oh my, I think I have found the perfect toilet / bath area.
That is Villeroy & Boch's the City Life Bathroom Collection. I especially love where the tub is placed. I'm a beach bitch so that's probably the closest I'll get to the resort vibe in the city.
From the view of the side of the tub, you can see my bedroom (delusions of grandeur mmmm). Notice the toilet. Very chic, and functional too. You can literally hide your shit. But flushing's so much easier and hygienic.
Here's a console from the same collection. I splash around the tub so this probably won't work for me. I'll slip to my death, literally. I do like that the tub is in the corner of large windows. I love large windows. Vitamin D during the day and city lights during the evening. Quite romantic don't you think?
Now for the strange and exotic. If you thought that snake-skin and croc-skin leather is just for your bags, wallets and shoes.... think again!
Ceramico-Cielo came out with their Jungle Bathroom Fixtures collection in Oct. 2007. Now this is just strange, for me at least. I'd be hella scared to pee in the middle of night in a bathroom like this. My fixtures might eat me alive. And all I wanted to do was pee.
Why is there a sink on my boa?!
Now here's the toilet the I really, really want. It doubles as something else. Be creative. This is a Julien Bench Toilet. Hell, you can even put this on your living room. Unsanitary though, but still plausible. Just make sure your plumbing's are well in place. Let's not talk about possible um... disasters.Ammonite Sink
While blog-hopping, I chanced upon this interesting piece of art/fixture/sink on Kaye West's blog. Yes, I love Kanye West.
The inspiration? A fossil called Ammonite. They are an extinct species of cephalopods which lived in the sea about 400 million years ago. Wouldn't you love to just stare at the water going round and round while high? Just a thought.
Marie Antoinette
Marie Antoinette's pearl necklace was auctioned last year, nobody bought it. Yes! I need to save up for the next auction. 400,000 UK Pounds. The necklace was saved by the Countess of Sutherland when she smuggled it into Britain. The necklace was to be returned when the wife of Louis Seize escaped imprisonment. Well, she never did. The necklace then became an heirloom of sorts for the Countess' family until they put it up on auction in 2007. The pearls ONCE graced the neck of the young queen. It was later set in gold, diamonds and rubies.
*Droooool* The necklace was made in 1849 and has a fringe of 21 graduated drop-shaped gray natural pearls, each suspended from an old-cut diamond collet, and connected to a diamond ribbon which intertwines with a ruby collar. The collar is set with 12 button-shaped gray natural pearls mounted in gold.
I want, I want, I want!!
Hearst Tower
I know nothing about architecture but the Hearst Tower is certainly a marvel to behold.
It was officially opened on April of 2006. And to date, it is the first and only building with a zero-waste policy. Possibly the "greenest" building ever constructed. The building uses a diagrid frame (think tripods) which is more stable than straight, vertical frames (which you won't find in this building). The unique frame also used 20% less steel than a conventional frame - saving up to 2,000 tons of steel. 90% of structural steel contains recycled materials. It 46 stories with a building height of 597 ft. For that height, it only uses 14,000 light fixtures, they bank on natural lighting as much as possible.
The roof was also designed to collect rainfall, which will reduce the amount of water dumped into the City's sewer system during rainfall by 25 percent. It also has a reclamation tank in its basement. The rain water will be used for irrigation of the trees and plants within the building. Approximately half of the building's watering needs will be provided by the rain water.
See? Green is possible.
The roof was also designed to collect rainfall, which will reduce the amount of water dumped into the City's sewer system during rainfall by 25 percent. It also has a reclamation tank in its basement. The rain water will be used for irrigation of the trees and plants within the building. Approximately half of the building's watering needs will be provided by the rain water.
See? Green is possible.
Gil Scott-Heron's America B-MOVIE
Well, the first thing I want to say is…”Mandate my ass!”
Because it seems as though we've been convinced that 26% of the registered voters, not even 26% of the American people, but 26% of the registered voters form a mandate – or a landslide. 21% voted for Skippy and 3, 4% voted for somebody else who might have been running.
But, oh yeah, I remember. In this year that we have now declared the year from Shogun to Reagan, I remember what I said about Reagan…meant it. Acted like an actor…Hollyweird. Acted like a liberal. Acted like General Franco when he acted like governor of California, then he acted like a republican. Then he acted like somebody was going to vote for him for president. And now we act like 26% of the registered voters is actually a mandate. We're all actors in this I suppose.
What has happened is that in the last 20 years, America has changed from a producer to a consumer. And all consumers know that when the producer names the tune…the consumer has got to dance. That's the way it is. We used to be a producer – very inflexible at that, and now we are consumers and, finding it difficult to understand. Natural resources and minerals will change your world. The Arabs used to be in the 3rd World. They have bought the 2nd World and put a firm down payment on the 1st one. Controlling your resources we'll control your world. This country has been surprised by the way the world looks now. They don't know if they want to be Matt Dillon or Bob Dylan. They don't know if they want to be diplomats or continue the same policy - of nuclear nightmare diplomacy. John Foster Dulles ain't nothing but the name of an airport now.
The idea concerns the fact that this country wants nostalgia. They want to go back as far as they can – even if it's only as far as last week. Not to face now or tomorrow, but to face backwards. And yesterday was the day of our cinema heroes riding to the rescue at the last possible moment. The day of the man in the white hat or the man on the white horse - or the man who always came to save America at the last moment – someone always came to save America at the last moment – especially in “B” movies. And when America found itself having a hard time facing the future, they looked for people like John Wayne. But since John Wayne was no longer available, they settled for Ronald Reagan – and it has placed us in a situation that we can only look at – like a “B” movie.
Come with us back to those inglorious days when heroes weren't zeros. Before fair was square. When the cavalry came straight away and all-American men were like Hemingway to the days of the wondrous “B” movie. The producer underwritten by all the millionaires necessary will be Casper “The Defensive” Weinberger – no more animated choice is available. The director will be Attila the Haig, running around frantically declaring himself in control and in charge. The ultimate realization of the inmates taking over at the asylum. The screenplay will be adapted from the book called “Voodoo Economics” by George “Papa Doc” Bush. Music by the “Village People” the very military "Macho Man."
“Company!!!”
“Macho, macho man!”
“ Two-three-four.”
“ He likes to be – well, you get the point.”
“Huuut! Your left! Your left! Your left…right, left, right, left, right…!”
A theme song for saber-rallying and selling wars door-to-door. Remember, we're looking for the closest thing we can find to John Wayne. Clichés abound like kangaroos – courtesy of some spaced out Marlin Perkins, a Reagan contemporary. Clichés like, “itchy trigger finger” and “tall in the saddle” and “riding off or on into the sunset.” Clichés like, “Get off of my planet by sundown!” More so than clichés like, “he died with his boots on.” Marine tough the man is. Bogart tough the man is. Cagney tough the man is. Hollywood tough the man is. Cheap stick tough. And Bonzo's substantial. The ultimate in synthetic selling: A Madison Avenue masterpiece – a miracle – a cotton-candy politician…Presto! Macho!
“Macho, macho man!”
Put your orders in America. And quick as Kodak your leaders duplicate with the accent being on the nukes - cause all of a sudden we have fallen prey to selective amnesia - remembering what we want to remember and forgetting what we choose to forget. All of a sudden, the man who called for a blood bath on our college campuses is supposed to be Dudley “God-damn” Do-Right?
“You go give them liberals hell Ronnie.” That was the mandate. To the new “Captain Bly” on the new ship of fools. It was doubtlessly based on his chameleon performance of the past - as a liberal democrat – as the head of the Studio Actor's Guild. When other celluloid saviors were cringing in terror from McCarthy – Ron stood tall. It goes all the way back from Hollywood to hillbilly. From liberal to libelous, from “Bonzo” to Birch idol…born again. Civil rights, women's rights, gay rights…it's all wrong. Call in the cavalry to disrupt this perception of freedom gone wild. God damn it…first one wants freedom, then the whole damn world wants freedom.
Nostalgia, that's what we want…the good ol' days…when we gave'em hell. When the buck stopped somewhere and you could still buy something with it. To a time when movies were in black and white – and so was everything else. Even if we go back to the campaign trail, before six-gun Ron shot off his face and developed hoof-in-mouth. Before the free press went down before full-court press. And were reluctant to review the menu because they knew the only thing available was – Crow.
Lon Chaney, our man of a thousand faces - no match for Ron. Doug Henning does the make-up - special effects from Grecian Formula 16 and Crazy Glue. Transportation furnished by the David Rockefeller of Remote Control Company. Their slogan is, “Why wait for 1984? You can panic now...and avoid the rush.”
So much for the good news…
As Wall Street goes, so goes the nation. And here's a look at the closing numbers – racism's up, human rights are down, peace is shaky, war items are hot - the House claims all ties. Jobs are down, money is scarce – and common sense is at an all-time low on heavy trading. Movies were looking better than ever and now no one is looking because, we're starring in a “B” movie. And we would rather had John Wayne…we would rather had John Wayne.
"You don't need to be in no hurry.
You ain't never really got to worry.
And you don't need to check on how you feel.
Just keep repeating that none of this is real.
And if you're sensing, that something's wrong,
Well just remember, that it won't be too long
Before the director cuts the scene…yea."
“This ain't really your life,
Ain't really your life,
Ain't really ain't nothing but a movie.”
[Refrain repeated about 25 times or more in an apocalyptic crescendo with a military cadence.]
“This ain't really your life,
Ain't really your life,
Ain't really ain't nothing but a movie.”
NOTE: I agree with almost everything that was said, but I still believe that Reaganism (Republicanism with the optism of Liberals) is an underrated form of running a country.
Because it seems as though we've been convinced that 26% of the registered voters, not even 26% of the American people, but 26% of the registered voters form a mandate – or a landslide. 21% voted for Skippy and 3, 4% voted for somebody else who might have been running.
But, oh yeah, I remember. In this year that we have now declared the year from Shogun to Reagan, I remember what I said about Reagan…meant it. Acted like an actor…Hollyweird. Acted like a liberal. Acted like General Franco when he acted like governor of California, then he acted like a republican. Then he acted like somebody was going to vote for him for president. And now we act like 26% of the registered voters is actually a mandate. We're all actors in this I suppose.
What has happened is that in the last 20 years, America has changed from a producer to a consumer. And all consumers know that when the producer names the tune…the consumer has got to dance. That's the way it is. We used to be a producer – very inflexible at that, and now we are consumers and, finding it difficult to understand. Natural resources and minerals will change your world. The Arabs used to be in the 3rd World. They have bought the 2nd World and put a firm down payment on the 1st one. Controlling your resources we'll control your world. This country has been surprised by the way the world looks now. They don't know if they want to be Matt Dillon or Bob Dylan. They don't know if they want to be diplomats or continue the same policy - of nuclear nightmare diplomacy. John Foster Dulles ain't nothing but the name of an airport now.
The idea concerns the fact that this country wants nostalgia. They want to go back as far as they can – even if it's only as far as last week. Not to face now or tomorrow, but to face backwards. And yesterday was the day of our cinema heroes riding to the rescue at the last possible moment. The day of the man in the white hat or the man on the white horse - or the man who always came to save America at the last moment – someone always came to save America at the last moment – especially in “B” movies. And when America found itself having a hard time facing the future, they looked for people like John Wayne. But since John Wayne was no longer available, they settled for Ronald Reagan – and it has placed us in a situation that we can only look at – like a “B” movie.
Come with us back to those inglorious days when heroes weren't zeros. Before fair was square. When the cavalry came straight away and all-American men were like Hemingway to the days of the wondrous “B” movie. The producer underwritten by all the millionaires necessary will be Casper “The Defensive” Weinberger – no more animated choice is available. The director will be Attila the Haig, running around frantically declaring himself in control and in charge. The ultimate realization of the inmates taking over at the asylum. The screenplay will be adapted from the book called “Voodoo Economics” by George “Papa Doc” Bush. Music by the “Village People” the very military "Macho Man."
“Company!!!”
“Macho, macho man!”
“ Two-three-four.”
“ He likes to be – well, you get the point.”
“Huuut! Your left! Your left! Your left…right, left, right, left, right…!”
A theme song for saber-rallying and selling wars door-to-door. Remember, we're looking for the closest thing we can find to John Wayne. Clichés abound like kangaroos – courtesy of some spaced out Marlin Perkins, a Reagan contemporary. Clichés like, “itchy trigger finger” and “tall in the saddle” and “riding off or on into the sunset.” Clichés like, “Get off of my planet by sundown!” More so than clichés like, “he died with his boots on.” Marine tough the man is. Bogart tough the man is. Cagney tough the man is. Hollywood tough the man is. Cheap stick tough. And Bonzo's substantial. The ultimate in synthetic selling: A Madison Avenue masterpiece – a miracle – a cotton-candy politician…Presto! Macho!
“Macho, macho man!”
Put your orders in America. And quick as Kodak your leaders duplicate with the accent being on the nukes - cause all of a sudden we have fallen prey to selective amnesia - remembering what we want to remember and forgetting what we choose to forget. All of a sudden, the man who called for a blood bath on our college campuses is supposed to be Dudley “God-damn” Do-Right?
“You go give them liberals hell Ronnie.” That was the mandate. To the new “Captain Bly” on the new ship of fools. It was doubtlessly based on his chameleon performance of the past - as a liberal democrat – as the head of the Studio Actor's Guild. When other celluloid saviors were cringing in terror from McCarthy – Ron stood tall. It goes all the way back from Hollywood to hillbilly. From liberal to libelous, from “Bonzo” to Birch idol…born again. Civil rights, women's rights, gay rights…it's all wrong. Call in the cavalry to disrupt this perception of freedom gone wild. God damn it…first one wants freedom, then the whole damn world wants freedom.
Nostalgia, that's what we want…the good ol' days…when we gave'em hell. When the buck stopped somewhere and you could still buy something with it. To a time when movies were in black and white – and so was everything else. Even if we go back to the campaign trail, before six-gun Ron shot off his face and developed hoof-in-mouth. Before the free press went down before full-court press. And were reluctant to review the menu because they knew the only thing available was – Crow.
Lon Chaney, our man of a thousand faces - no match for Ron. Doug Henning does the make-up - special effects from Grecian Formula 16 and Crazy Glue. Transportation furnished by the David Rockefeller of Remote Control Company. Their slogan is, “Why wait for 1984? You can panic now...and avoid the rush.”
So much for the good news…
As Wall Street goes, so goes the nation. And here's a look at the closing numbers – racism's up, human rights are down, peace is shaky, war items are hot - the House claims all ties. Jobs are down, money is scarce – and common sense is at an all-time low on heavy trading. Movies were looking better than ever and now no one is looking because, we're starring in a “B” movie. And we would rather had John Wayne…we would rather had John Wayne.
"You don't need to be in no hurry.
You ain't never really got to worry.
And you don't need to check on how you feel.
Just keep repeating that none of this is real.
And if you're sensing, that something's wrong,
Well just remember, that it won't be too long
Before the director cuts the scene…yea."
“This ain't really your life,
Ain't really your life,
Ain't really ain't nothing but a movie.”
[Refrain repeated about 25 times or more in an apocalyptic crescendo with a military cadence.]
“This ain't really your life,
Ain't really your life,
Ain't really ain't nothing but a movie.”
NOTE: I agree with almost everything that was said, but I still believe that Reaganism (Republicanism with the optism of Liberals) is an underrated form of running a country.
Monday, June 9
Camown now!
Sunday, June 8
Loving Life
Sometimes, a person needs a slap in the face to feel alive. Or at least to be reminded that he is alive. I wasn't smacked across the face, will never happen. But, I was reminded of how fun life can be. It was a long night and I am thankful. There's always something to look forward to in life, I guess. A certain je ne sais quoi that I'd rather not ponder over too much. Anyhooo...
Seriously, how old do I look?
Tuesday, June 3
I remember an old phone call I made to good friend. We spoke for at least 4 hours. We were able to make a shallow, yet practical analogy.
There are two kinds of bags:
i) the kind that are like evening bags. Small, glamorous, attractive but could only fit so much. You wouldn't carry an evening bag to school work now, would you? You know you love this evening bag but there would come a time when you will eventually admit to yourself that it is slowly going out of fashion. I have yet to find an evening bag that would go with all of my evening outfits, and could fit a baton for safety.
ii) you're everyday bag. Fits all of the crap that you need everyday, with an extra secret pocket for illegal substances. Comfortable, practical but not as stylish as your evening bag. No bag is perfect.
There are also two kinds of men:
i) Your evening bag kind of man. Stylish, good-looking, someone that your friends would envy you for. But he could only be so much. Handsome sans the personality. Too busy making himself more handsome that he would only politely to appear interested in the compelling stuff that you are babbling about - global warming, Darfur, Sartre. In fact, he is so polite, he bats his eyelashes twice as fast when you're talking and would offer to buy you deadly volumes of absinthe-laced vodka, just to calm you down. This man is for show only, not for keeps. BUT, you would love to "show" him to everyone you know and everyone you don't know for plus social points. Downside is, in Jay-Z's words "(he) wouldn't bust a grape in a fruit fight," unless of course, he has ex-soldiers as his bodyguard.
ii) Your everyday man. Personality? Check. Chivalry? Check. Intelligence? Check. Looks? Appeal? Mabait siya. No matter how hard you try, your everyday man just won't complete your wardrobe, especially when you're wearing the perfect heels. He's nice, gripping (intellectually, that is), and an all-around gentleman. You just won't post pictures of the two of you in public albums. He's just a "friend" anyway, right?
We're still in search of the perfect bag and the perfect man.
i) the kind that are like evening bags. Small, glamorous, attractive but could only fit so much. You wouldn't carry an evening bag to school work now, would you? You know you love this evening bag but there would come a time when you will eventually admit to yourself that it is slowly going out of fashion. I have yet to find an evening bag that would go with all of my evening outfits, and could fit a baton for safety.
ii) you're everyday bag. Fits all of the crap that you need everyday, with an extra secret pocket for illegal substances. Comfortable, practical but not as stylish as your evening bag. No bag is perfect.
There are also two kinds of men:
i) Your evening bag kind of man. Stylish, good-looking, someone that your friends would envy you for. But he could only be so much. Handsome sans the personality. Too busy making himself more handsome that he would only politely to appear interested in the compelling stuff that you are babbling about - global warming, Darfur, Sartre. In fact, he is so polite, he bats his eyelashes twice as fast when you're talking and would offer to buy you deadly volumes of absinthe-laced vodka, just to calm you down. This man is for show only, not for keeps. BUT, you would love to "show" him to everyone you know and everyone you don't know for plus social points. Downside is, in Jay-Z's words "(he) wouldn't bust a grape in a fruit fight," unless of course, he has ex-soldiers as his bodyguard.
ii) Your everyday man. Personality? Check. Chivalry? Check. Intelligence? Check. Looks? Appeal? Mabait siya. No matter how hard you try, your everyday man just won't complete your wardrobe, especially when you're wearing the perfect heels. He's nice, gripping (intellectually, that is), and an all-around gentleman. You just won't post pictures of the two of you in public albums. He's just a "friend" anyway, right?
We're still in search of the perfect bag and the perfect man.
Sunday, June 1
Take 2 Blue
Sit up straight
With your head held high
Start your day
With a random act of kind
Don't forget
To brush your teeth before you rest
And remember to take two blue
Now goodnight
It's your life
It's your life
Yours to do with what you choose
to keep in stride
Heard you say
You're not feeling fine
Why not have
Some more of that nutritious wine
Doctors say
Take two more blue and you'll be ok
See, now don't you feel lovely?
Now goodnight
It's your life
It's your life
Yours to do with what you choose
to keep in stride
~BITTER:SWEET
YES!!
With your head held high
Start your day
With a random act of kind
Don't forget
To brush your teeth before you rest
And remember to take two blue
Now goodnight
It's your life
It's your life
Yours to do with what you choose
to keep in stride
Heard you say
You're not feeling fine
Why not have
Some more of that nutritious wine
Doctors say
Take two more blue and you'll be ok
See, now don't you feel lovely?
Now goodnight
It's your life
It's your life
Yours to do with what you choose
to keep in stride
~BITTER:SWEET
YES!!
Wednesday, May 21
Today, I only had half a bagel and two slices of mango pie. It's already 8PM. I walked from the MRT station to almost our house. I didn't have to. There was no need. But I started walking, then I kept on walking. If I didn't have to stop by the drug store I would've walked all the way. My problem used to be that my mind was all over the fucking place. Now, it's just not there. My mind has chosen a better world, a world that doesn't and never will exist. Tis a disorder that gets me once or twice.
"Anyone whose goal is 'something higher' must expect someday to suffer vertigo. What is vertigo? Fear of falling? No, Vertigo is something other than fear of falling. It is the voice of the emptiness below us which tempts and lures us, it is the desire to fall, against which, terrified, we defend ourselves."
Ladies and gentlemen, this is vertigo. Only this time, I am not raising my arms in defense. I am letting it swallow me, little by little. Like the novel, I don't see a clear plot to everything, just recurring themes. Like no matter how hard I try to rise above it all, the same things keep on pulling back. Different faces, different names, different stories but only one result. Why is it that when you're on your weakest, that's when you just want to sink even more? Gravity.
I try to be more profound but like I said, I am being pulled back. By an unseen force, not meant to deny me insight, but rather to challenge me to think higher, to think beyond what is usually made obvious to me. Either that, or I just lack insight. Or to be more precise, I've lost insight. Everything has made me dumber. And blunt. Tabula Rasa. It will come eventually.
"Anyone whose goal is 'something higher' must expect someday to suffer vertigo. What is vertigo? Fear of falling? No, Vertigo is something other than fear of falling. It is the voice of the emptiness below us which tempts and lures us, it is the desire to fall, against which, terrified, we defend ourselves."
--Milan Kundera, The Unbearable Lightness of Being
Ladies and gentlemen, this is vertigo. Only this time, I am not raising my arms in defense. I am letting it swallow me, little by little. Like the novel, I don't see a clear plot to everything, just recurring themes. Like no matter how hard I try to rise above it all, the same things keep on pulling back. Different faces, different names, different stories but only one result. Why is it that when you're on your weakest, that's when you just want to sink even more? Gravity.
I try to be more profound but like I said, I am being pulled back. By an unseen force, not meant to deny me insight, but rather to challenge me to think higher, to think beyond what is usually made obvious to me. Either that, or I just lack insight. Or to be more precise, I've lost insight. Everything has made me dumber. And blunt. Tabula Rasa. It will come eventually.
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